clean slate

i can't sleep. there's so many things running in my head right now. i just want to blow it all out. tomorrow august 4th, is a start of a new chapter in my life. i want to start it on a clean slate.

july had been a tough month for me, it made me realize who my real friends are. i love you guys.. super! i can't thank you enough for being there...

1. cat(my boss) - superb manager and a friend. you have been very strong and understanding. you were my backbone at the time i thought i'm gonna fall. i can't thank you enough. just like what you said to me, i also have nothing but praises for you.. thank you for considering me as your friend.
2. chamie - you have always been my shock absorber. whenever i'm talking to you i feel secure. i know whatever happens, you will always take care of me.. you're like a big sister(really).
3. madam - you are the leader of my cheering squad! thank you for uplifting my soul. whenever i feel sad i talk to you. you always make sure that i smile despite of everything that has happened to me. you're really one of a kind.
4. irene - eventhough we don't spend much time together, i know that you're my friend.. you're always there.. online... you were never busy for all of us. i can tell you anything without thinking of you judging me. you're one of the real person i've known.
5. gen - i was so touched when you asked me how i was.. as in... even if you're happy and contented right now, you're still there... asking me how i was coping.
6. she - you are so far yet i can feel you hugging me in times of my discomfort. through the years you're always consistent. you never left me. always there listening to all my rants. you never get tired of me. i can always feel your love.

yeah.. what happened last july was a big bomb for me and i can say, it made me tougher. i'm sorry but i just want to write all i want to write right now... beware, i think this will be a very long post...

i will start my story with a new advertising executive in our office. her family is a close friend of our ceo, she studied nursing in college and it is her first real job. everybody's eyes are on her because everybody thinks she only get in because of nepotism. last friday, i've learned that a company allegedly pulled out their account on us because of her. i can hear people talking about her and the situation. i feel bad for her. it is unfair, everybody makes mistakes.. don't let her take all the blame.. she has her superior and a managing director.. for me, how can they let this happen? she's a fresh grad for crying out loud!

i can put myself on her shoes. i've been in a not so different situation a few years back. i know how it feels when you know that everybody is watching your every move waiting for you to commit mistake. being bullied by some power tripping bitches in the office(hell yeah.. offices have queen bees too!). being doubted by your superiors(why the hell did they hired me anyway?). it was hard.. hard to prove yourself everyday only to find out that their eyes were closed because you're not like one of them.

it's not proper to name names right now but i'm sorry i just have to say this. just now, i realized i revered the wrong person. for so many years, i looked up to you. and now, thinking about it... pasimpleng kups ka pala. yes you are good on what you do.. but personality wise? hmm i doubt it.. i'm sorry for all the revelations but i just get so tired... tired of trying everything for your respect. yes, my eyes are wide open right now.. you and your posse will never approve of me. and the funny thing is? I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

i'm the type of person who never forgets. maybe that's the thing about me.. last month was tough. i'd been on a roller coaster emotion. there came a time when i thought of those people in the past. maybe they were right about me... maybe i don't have what it takes... that maybe this is just not for me... but being a genuine brat, i want to prove them wrong! i want to prove myself wrong! i am dora! i am good, I AM SO GOOD! i may not be the typical "dev" person that you know but i have passion. passion to do my craft. and i have a dream.. a dream that you, "mr. conceited" and your posse can never steal no matter what you say... no matter what you do..

there. i'm done. i'll start over.