February has been a terrible month for me.. too much work.. too much pressure.. too much stress.. many of you will say that it's part of being a programmer.. i know.. that's why i'm dealing with it.. i've been assigned in two projects that requires so much time.. i was given three weeks to finish it.. my mind was set only on one thing.. kahit anong mangyari.. i have to finish it on or before feb 16. it has been three weeks.. three freakin weeks.. three restless weeks..

spending long hours of work everyday is not a big deal for me.. even working on weekends (yes friends.. i know it's corny.. but it's true.. i've worked seven days a week!..) that has never been an issue for me.. i committed myself to this project that's why i risk everything.. i can still remember my daddy's text message saying.. "anak.. get a life! you're still young!" yup nagtatampo sya.. he told me that i don't have time for my family.. i don't have time for myself.. that my work is the only thing that matters to me.. my dad really plays a big influence in my life and it bothers me when i know that the greatest man in my life is having a thing on me.. but what to do? this time i have to set my priorities.. i have to work.. i have to compromise.. i have to make an extra effort.. i have to meet my deadline..

i've worked my ass off for this project.. i've given it all my time.. i've been very hands on to every little details of the development.. i don't know how i can still manage to smile everytime the designers give me add-ons for the site.. i don't know.. i love it.. i love what i'm doing..

one morning.. something happened.. i felt my world crashed into my face.. my spirit went down.. i didn't want to make a scene but i can't help it.. i felt so upset.. so hurt.. that moment i get to ask myself one question.. IS THE JUICE WORTH THE SQUEEZE? does the job that i love loving me in return? i don't know.. i really feel so down.. i'm not mad at anybody.. i know nobody wants me to feel this way.. i'm just hurt.. so damn hurt! do you know the feeling when you risk everything and give everything on something only to find out that it doesn't pay as much? do you know the feeling of blaming yourself eventhough you know for a fact that you've given more than enough?

don't worry i'll be ok.. i just need a time off.. time to think.. time to rest.. time to pamper myself.. oh well.. life's like that and i have to accept it.. it will pass.. don't worry.. as i always say.. "NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!" ciao! :D